The rumors of my repeated exhaustion are partially exaggerated.

Hello, internet. Do you remember when we used to talk on a daily basis? No? Yeah, I guess only a few of you bothered to come over here.

I have much to say but little time in which to say it. I'll try to keep in touch.

Now... sleep for me.

Thank the heavens for a news cycle on Boxing Day

The nets are abuzz with the first anniversary of the Boxing Day Tsunami that devastated the Indian Ocean region. (If you don't know what Boxing Day is, just remember it's another one of those freebie holidays from which our country's self-punishing Puritan forefathers fled.)

I'm sure the nets are happy about this. What else did they used to fill time with the day after Christmas? Long return lines? Christmas family tragedies? Now they have this awful terrible tsunami for the next couple of years. Sure, it affected largely poor populations and a few famous and/or rich individuals, but, by God, it's a bona fide giant tragedy.

Speaking of Christmas family tragedies, a recent car accident in Chicago took the lives of two young women. This in and of itself is terrible, but the local news just had to tack on that the women "were really looking forward to Christmas." And this right here says everything about the news, doesn't it?

That whole Apprentice finale thing

I've expressed to several friends and colleagues that while I don't mind that Randal was hired as the fourth season's Apprentice, the last two minutes of the finale left a very bad taste in my mouth. Trumps seemed to have made his decision in advance given his body language with Randal, but I think he and Mark Burnett were toying with the idea of hiring both Randal and Rebecca. After all, she seems at least as driven and dedicated as last season's Apprentice Kendra. I dare say she was at least the strongest female finalist to date in spite of her losing record.

After hiring Randal, Trump asks Randal if he should hire Rebecca as well. Randal quickly says that the show is about one winner, that it is called The Apprentice and not The Appreti. Trump quickly decides to agree with Randal, and the whole thing is over, with Rebecca likely far more bitter than she was seconds earlier.

Randal's response makes him look like a selfish ass, which is unfortunate because I respected that he earned five advanced degrees and actually did something with them, even if he did seem like the type who'd prefer never to get his hands dirty. (How I feel for Mark working with those three primpy types in the final task.) Some have told me that Randal had every right to keep the number of winners to one, but, in spite of Trump's insistence that he takes the "13-week job interview" seriously, we would have been more entertained by the "final twist" of two winners.

About Trump's "this is serious to me" speech, his last minute theatrics with Randal pushed his words toward hypocrisy. If he were really as serious about who he hired as he said, he wouldn't let the winner's opinion about the concept of the show sway his decision.

I'll leave it at this, but I once again must ask if the "13-week job interview" business should be dropped. Burnett's other show Survivor plays up the fact that the taped events occur within little over a month's time. The same applies to The Apprentice, but for some stupid reason, we're supposed to believe that months pass before the final two candidates finish their last tasks. Wouldn't it be more impressive to play up how little time candidates have within and between tasks? Anyone with any sense can guess that each task and board room/reward period adds up to roughly 48 hours. Are the producers afraid the whole affair will seem less genuine if sleep deprivation were as big a factor in this setting as it is on a deserted island?

(Sales)persons of the Year

Jeff Harrell has a few things to say about Time's choices for "Persons of the Year." While I am a huge fan of Bono and am not terribly negative toward Bill Gates and his wife, I find it fitting of our culture that persons who create products and sell those products to us are given such high esteem by the publishing arm of an entertainment conglomerate.

I hope that that cover doesn't keep Steve Jobs from sleeping at night and that the apathetic balance of U2 can handle Bono's new title.

The coffin housing Alias to be covered with dirt

Alias is officially dead. To no one's surprise, its move to the slot opposite Survivor killed most of its ratings, in spite of attempts to reinvigorate the show with new characters.

For anyone who wants to see the show in its former glory, reruns of at least the first season are running in syndication, and, of course, DVD sets of the first four seasons are available. Those who came to the show late might be surprised to discover a series that juggled multiple subplots and ended every episode with a cliffhanger. They might also be shocked to learn that Syndey actually had a personal life away from her complicated work life. And, anyone who knows anything about J. J. Abrams' Felicity would see touches of that show in the first season.

Now all we can do is speculate about how exactly the show will be "revved up" for the end. Will the show end in a giant shocker cliffhanger? Will Ben Affleck sneak in? Will Rambaldi resurface?

I don't get it.

I don't get Desperate Housewives.

Is it popular becuase of all the early (planted) press about its controversial nature? The key to the show's success is to apply the daytime soap opera to "typical suburbia," throw in some Seinfeldian circular writing, and wrap it up in a wimpy bag of feminine empowerment. I've resigned to sitting through a few episodes since it debuted last fall, and I'm consistently annoyed by several elements.

Sue Ellen Mishki might have a great rack, but she has a terrible narrating voice. Her equally curvaceous sing-songy snarky-yet-kindhearted tone has driven me to the edge of madness into which I fall when being inundated with the show's soundtrack.

I'm glad Danny Elfman was unshackled by Marvel Entertainment long enough to score a quirky yet unspectacular theme, but the incidental music might as well be a fork to a chalkboard or a chorus repeatedly shouting, "Aren't we clever!" This music is the most smug self-aggrandizing device since the vile laugh track.

The characters are completely unlikeable, and I'm not sure if that's deliberate. At least Arrested Development has Michael. And better writing. Much better writing. And better acting. And that's the show that gets ignored and cancelled!

Why is this show popular with reasonably intelligent people? My only guess is that they are all afraid of missing out on water cooler talk on Monday.

Things you might hear The Donald say on future episodes of "The Apprentice"

• Your task is to market six new colors of Play-Doh.
• Daihatsu makes the world's best cars.
• Frankly, I don't get how you couldn't create a new kind of pickled product.
• Your reward is a shopping spree at Sherwin Williams.
• Welcome to the eighth week of your thirteen-week job interview. And by "eighth week" I mean "second week." And by "thirteen-week" I mean "one month." And by "job interview" I mean "ratings grab by a desperate network."
• I'm really dead inside. You know that?
• George will be my eyes and ears while Carolyn will be my hat.
• Your task this week is to pull me out of bankruptcy.
  

See the world in red and blue

Senators Rick Santorum (R-PA) and Hillary Clinton (D-AKNY) are turning U2 concerts into political fundraisers.

Other politicians are also trying to cash in on U2's fame and success:

• At a recent Democratic National Committee dinner, Senator Ted Kennedy (D-MA) proclaimed he was into U2 "all the way back to Boy."


• At a recent press conference, Senator Bill Frist (R-TN) vehemently defended both his innocence in the face of charges that he traded stock based on inside information and that October is a largely underappreciated album.


• House Majority Whip Roy Blunt (R-TX) was recently photographed trying to offer his Blue Blockers to Pope Benedict.


• President George W. Bush recently opined that Bono deserves a Nobel Peace Prize almost as much as Harriet Miers.

Unexcused Absence

I apologize for disappearing. I really have no excuse. Below is a set of disjointed paragraphs wherein I comment on various subjects.

The exit of the Yankees and Red Sox from the postseason has allegedly hurt viewership, which just goes to show you how much East Coast worship goes on in this country. If the second White Sox-Angles game is any indication, people should be watching more baseball. There's plenty of drama to go around. I hope Houston can keep the NL side of the playoffs interesting, because the Cards are just a steamroller.

Lost is continuing at a good pace. The island story appears to be progressing a bit faster than last season, but as long as the character stories are still compelling, I'm still hooked. The flashbacks so far have filled in some critical or unknown gaps in previous stories -- even Michael's in "Adrift." Girlfight's addition to the cast will probably shake up the island dynamic -- like a production plant in a bad reality show.

Some relatives have hit hard times, and my thoughts and prayers are for them. Some friends' families have grown, and my thoughts and prayers are for them as well.

Apple is trying to change the world again by giving everyone access to on-demand television on the iPod and iTunes. I think Front Row is the first step toward the Apple DVR. In short, Apple continues to be brilliant. Like it or not, the market hangs on their innovations.

Speaking of Apple, I was given a lime green iPod mini for my birthday. As expected, I've started moving my U2 collection from CD to iPod. Other music will follow.

Time won't leave me as I am, but time won't take the boy out of this man.

Steve Holt!

Arrested Development's third season started last night, and all is right in the world. In one episode, the writers snickered at "cabin episodes", pedophiles, PPD killer moms, creepy statues, Nevada, and Scientology.

The episode also featured a cameo by Jim Cramer, screaming host of Mad Money. I've seen the program, and, yes, he walks around a set screaming about the stock market and pushing buttons that produce noises.