Some Blog I Wrote

The rumors of my repeated exhaustion are partially exaggerated.

2006-03-03T22:26:00.000-06:00

Hello, internet. Do you remember when we used to talk on a daily basis? No? Yeah, I guess only a few of you bothered to come over here.

I have much to say but little time in which to say it. I'll try to keep in touch.

Now... sleep for me.

Thank the heavens for a news cycle on Boxing Day

2005-12-26T14:22:00.000-06:00

The nets are abuzz with the first anniversary of the Boxing Day Tsunami that devastated the Indian Ocean region. (If you don't know what Boxing Day is, just remember it's another one of those freebie holidays from which our country's self-punishing Puritan forefathers fled.)

I'm sure the nets are happy about this. What else did they used to fill time with the day after Christmas? Long return lines? Christmas family tragedies? Now they have this awful terrible tsunami for the next couple of years. Sure, it affected largely poor populations and a few famous and/or rich individuals, but, by God, it's a bona fide giant tragedy.

Speaking of Christmas family tragedies, a recent car accident in Chicago took the lives of two young women. This in and of itself is terrible, but the local news just had to tack on that the women "were really looking forward to Christmas." And this right here says everything about the news, doesn't it?

That whole Apprentice finale thing

2005-12-18T17:37:00.000-06:00

I've expressed to several friends and colleagues that while I don't mind that Randal was hired as the fourth season's Apprentice, the last two minutes of the finale left a very bad taste in my mouth. Trumps seemed to have made his decision in advance given his body language with Randal, but I think he and Mark Burnett were toying with the idea of hiring both Randal and Rebecca. After all, she seems at least as driven and dedicated as last season's Apprentice Kendra. I dare say she was at least the strongest female finalist to date in spite of her losing record.

After hiring Randal, Trump asks Randal if he should hire Rebecca as well. Randal quickly says that the show is about one winner, that it is called The Apprentice and not The Appreti. Trump quickly decides to agree with Randal, and the whole thing is over, with Rebecca likely far more bitter than she was seconds earlier.

Randal's response makes him look like a selfish ass, which is unfortunate because I respected that he earned five advanced degrees and actually did something with them, even if he did seem like the type who'd prefer never to get his hands dirty. (How I feel for Mark working with those three primpy types in the final task.) Some have told me that Randal had every right to keep the number of winners to one, but, in spite of Trump's insistence that he takes the "13-week job interview" seriously, we would have been more entertained by the "final twist" of two winners.

About Trump's "this is serious to me" speech, his last minute theatrics with Randal pushed his words toward hypocrisy. If he were really as serious about who he hired as he said, he wouldn't let the winner's opinion about the concept of the show sway his decision.

I'll leave it at this, but I once again must ask if the "13-week job interview" business should be dropped. Burnett's other show Survivor plays up the fact that the taped events occur within little over a month's time. The same applies to The Apprentice, but for some stupid reason, we're supposed to believe that months pass before the final two candidates finish their last tasks. Wouldn't it be more impressive to play up how little time candidates have within and between tasks? Anyone with any sense can guess that each task and board room/reward period adds up to roughly 48 hours. Are the producers afraid the whole affair will seem less genuine if sleep deprivation were as big a factor in this setting as it is on a deserted island?

(Sales)persons of the Year

2005-12-18T13:47:00.000-06:00

Jeff Harrell has a few things to say about Time's choices for "Persons of the Year." While I am a huge fan of Bono and am not terribly negative toward Bill Gates and his wife, I find it fitting of our culture that persons who create products and sell those products to us are given such high esteem by the publishing arm of an entertainment conglomerate.

I hope that that cover doesn't keep Steve Jobs from sleeping at night and that the apathetic balance of U2 can handle Bono's new title.

The coffin housing Alias to be covered with dirt

2005-11-25T09:29:00.000-06:00

Alias is officially dead. To no one's surprise, its move to the slot opposite Survivor killed most of its ratings, in spite of attempts to reinvigorate the show with new characters.

For anyone who wants to see the show in its former glory, reruns of at least the first season are running in syndication, and, of course, DVD sets of the first four seasons are available. Those who came to the show late might be surprised to discover a series that juggled multiple subplots and ended every episode with a cliffhanger. They might also be shocked to learn that Syndey actually had a personal life away from her complicated work life. And, anyone who knows anything about J. J. Abrams' Felicity would see touches of that show in the first season.

Now all we can do is speculate about how exactly the show will be "revved up" for the end. Will the show end in a giant shocker cliffhanger? Will Ben Affleck sneak in? Will Rambaldi resurface?

I don't get it.

2005-11-23T14:45:00.000-06:00

I don't get Desperate Housewives.

Is it popular becuase of all the early (planted) press about its controversial nature? The key to the show's success is to apply the daytime soap opera to "typical suburbia," throw in some Seinfeldian circular writing, and wrap it up in a wimpy bag of feminine empowerment. I've resigned to sitting through a few episodes since it debuted last fall, and I'm consistently annoyed by several elements.

Sue Ellen Mishki might have a great rack, but she has a terrible narrating voice. Her equally curvaceous sing-songy snarky-yet-kindhearted tone has driven me to the edge of madness into which I fall when being inundated with the show's soundtrack.

I'm glad Danny Elfman was unshackled by Marvel Entertainment long enough to score a quirky yet unspectacular theme, but the incidental music might as well be a fork to a chalkboard or a chorus repeatedly shouting, "Aren't we clever!" This music is the most smug self-aggrandizing device since the vile laugh track.

The characters are completely unlikeable, and I'm not sure if that's deliberate. At least Arrested Development has Michael. And better writing. Much better writing. And better acting. And that's the show that gets ignored and cancelled!

Why is this show popular with reasonably intelligent people? My only guess is that they are all afraid of missing out on water cooler talk on Monday.

Things you might hear The Donald say on future episodes of "The Apprentice"

2005-11-04T11:57:00.000-06:00

Your task is to market six new colors of Play-Doh.
Daihatsu makes the world's best cars.
Frankly, I don't get how you couldn't create a new kind of pickled product.
Your reward is a shopping spree at Sherwin Williams.
Welcome to the eighth week of your thirteen-week job interview. And by "eighth week" I mean "second week." And by "thirteen-week" I mean "one month." And by "job interview" I mean "ratings grab by a desperate network."
I'm really dead inside. You know that?
George will be my eyes and ears while Carolyn will be my hat.
Your task this week is to pull me out of bankruptcy.

See the world in red and blue

2005-10-14T13:33:00.000-05:00

Senators Rick Santorum (R-PA) and Hillary Clinton (D-AKNY) are turning U2 concerts into political fundraisers.

Other politicians are also trying to cash in on U2's fame and success:

At a recent Democratic National Committee dinner, Senator Ted Kennedy (D-MA) proclaimed he was into U2 "all the way back to Boy."

At a recent press conference, Senator Bill Frist (R-TN) vehemently defended both his innocence in the face of charges that he traded stock based on inside information and that October is a largely underappreciated album.

House Majority Whip Roy Blunt (R-TX) was recently photographed trying to offer his Blue Blockers to Pope Benedict.

President George W. Bush recently opined that Bono deserves a Nobel Peace Prize almost as much as Harriet Miers.

Unexcused Absence

2005-10-13T16:39:00.000-05:00

I apologize for disappearing. I really have no excuse. Below is a set of disjointed paragraphs wherein I comment on various subjects.

The exit of the Yankees and Red Sox from the postseason has allegedly hurt viewership, which just goes to show you how much East Coast worship goes on in this country. If the second White Sox-Angles game is any indication, people should be watching more baseball. There's plenty of drama to go around. I hope Houston can keep the NL side of the playoffs interesting, because the Cards are just a steamroller.

Lost is continuing at a good pace. The island story appears to be progressing a bit faster than last season, but as long as the character stories are still compelling, I'm still hooked. The flashbacks so far have filled in some critical or unknown gaps in previous stories -- even Michael's in "Adrift." Girlfight's addition to the cast will probably shake up the island dynamic -- like a production plant in a bad reality show.

Some relatives have hit hard times, and my thoughts and prayers are for them. Some friends' families have grown, and my thoughts and prayers are for them as well.

Apple is trying to change the world again by giving everyone access to on-demand television on the iPod and iTunes. I think Front Row is the first step toward the Apple DVR. In short, Apple continues to be brilliant. Like it or not, the market hangs on their innovations.

Speaking of Apple, I was given a lime green iPod mini for my birthday. As expected, I've started moving my U2 collection from CD to iPod. Other music will follow.

Time won't leave me as I am, but time won't take the boy out of this man.

Steve Holt!

2005-09-20T08:57:00.000-05:00

Arrested Development's third season started last night, and all is right in the world. In one episode, the writers snickered at "cabin episodes", pedophiles, PPD killer moms, creepy statues, Nevada, and Scientology.

The episode also featured a cameo by Jim Cramer, screaming host of Mad Money. I've seen the program, and, yes, he walks around a set screaming about the stock market and pushing buttons that produce noises.

Mild discomfort and the end of "live" sitcoms

2005-09-19T11:13:00.000-05:00

When Phil Rosenthal, executive producer of Everybody Loves Raymond, joked while accepting the Emmy for Outstanding Comedy Series that the end of his show meant the end of the sitcom, laughter, and smiling, the Emmy producers cut to an uncomfortable Eric McCormack, star of NBC's spiraling Will & Grace.

Is the Will & Grace strategy to lock up the Guest Actor and Guest Actress Comedy Emmys? Is that all NBC can hope for? They'd better hope My Name is Earl finds an audience.

Can the 2006 Emmys be this easily telegraphed?

2005-09-19T10:14:00.000-05:00

As many early reports say that series debuting this season largely won't stand out, my guesses for the 2006 Emmys are as follows:

As Everybody Loves Raymond won't be able to collect any more "swan song" or "body of work" Emmys next year, Arrested Development and Desperate Housewives will be collecting most of the Emmys in the Comedy category. Housewives being listed as a comedy is somewhat suspect, but I really just don't get what makes that show so special.
The West Wing probably won't see many Drama Emmys until after its last season, so don't expect many next year. Even the voters realize that show fell in quality after the first four seasons.
Drama Emmys will be a toss-up as there are many good dramas this season. Comedy? Not so many.
Battlestar Galactica should find its way into a few categories, which would be a large accomplishment for a genre series. If it wins anything beyond technical achievements, which the series is careful not to highlight, we can all point and laugh at Paramount's bloated, rotting genre empire.
The bulk of the Variety Emmys will still fall in The Daily Show's lap. Chalk it up to compatible politics. I wish I could remember to watch more of that show. Perhaps I should just TiVo the damn thing and shut up.

Apple's advertiser must employ tiny hand models

2005-09-16T17:31:00.000-05:00

I've seen the iPod nano in person, and it's... well... as impossibly small as Apple claims. I realize they have a scale comparison on their site, but in person, it's a reassurance that Moore's law is still moving at ludicrous speed.

Chicago says "hello" to autumn.

2005-09-16T17:27:00.000-05:00

After a few uncharacteristically hot and humid days not seen since my wedding, autumn has teased the Chicagoland area. The air is a little cooler, a little crisper, and a little cleaner. The first leaves are starting to fall, although recent rain played a part in this.

On schedule, my sinuses decided to go haywire. The annual sinus infection will pass in another few days, then I'll be left with all the residual phlegm. Such is a small price to pay for autumn in Chicago.

Apple continues its streak of making sexy things.

2005-09-12T10:00:00.000-05:00

I realize this is old news, but the iPod nano is a very sexy beast. The shuffle is cute and neat, but I can get freaky with the nano.

Color commentary

2005-09-10T19:46:00.000-05:00

Far be it from me to judge the intelligence or sensibilities of television sports announcers, but I couldn't help but wonder what prompted Brent Musburger and his talking head cohort, speaking about Texas Longhorn quarterback Vince Young during tonight's Texas-Ohio State game, to offer that Young reminds them of a young Randall Cunningham or Michael Vick.

Is this is the new political corectness -- the same bizarre white elephant social edict that drives local news stations in diverse markets to attach a reporter of a given ethnicity to a story concerning the same ethnicity without the hint of irony that the reporter has trained himself or herself to be as non-ethnic as possible on camera?

wa wa-aaaaaaaar

2005-09-10T10:08:00.000-05:00

I don't know about you, but all this refugee talk about New Orleans has kept the U2 classic "The Refugee" in my head for the last two weeks. Oddly enough, it contains the lyric, "She has a pretty face / But at the wrong time and the wrong place."

Steve Ballmer has anger management issues.

2005-09-08T13:49:00.000-05:00

(I just love those plain The Superficial headlines.)

Steve Ballmer doesn't appreciate historical irony. Throwing chairs and cursing isn't going to make the future go away. Microsoft can't compete with Apple or Google in the consumer arena aside from partnering with Dell and HP to offer lower prices than Apple. Microsoft has become the fat, dumb, stupid monolith IBM was in the early 1980s -- beholden to the enterprise market and too slow to capture the imagination and mindshare of consumers.

Steve, dump all the R&D money in Xbox while you can, leaving just a little to keep Office and Exchange somewhat current.

Takin' it to the streets

2005-09-06T09:56:00.000-05:00

My wife and I went to the movie theater for the third time in two years to see The 40-Year-Old Virgin. We both liked it for the acting and for its frankness. Almost ruining it for me was the fact that each of Andy's SmartTech colleagues is on the verge of some kind of collapse. And the ending... well, the ending makes sense if you look at the big picture. (And Catherine Keener needs to eat something. All the talk about her deviating from the "average romantic comedy actress" must have been directed at her miminal makeup and her character's surprisingly robust backstory.)

Making this moviegoing experience less than comfortable was a group of four boys all aged under 15 brought by their mothers or older relatives just before the movie started. The boys weren't doing anything, but we felt embarrassed for them. This film is raunchy from the first scene -- it's not for the faint of heart. There are also a few depictions of recreational drug use. Two older ladies in front of us left when the subject of masturbation was finally confronted. How they were able to hang on that long is beyond me.

The coffin housing Alias is already lowered two feet.

2005-09-02T14:20:00.000-05:00

Apparently, Michael Vartan, also known as Michael Vaughn who is called "Vaughn" by characters closest to him, has filmed his last episode of Alias a few weeks ago. This means the only reason my wife watches the show has left. I warned her about the two other shark-jumping signs -- Cousin Oliver and Written-In Pregnancy -- but I'm sure she'll bail after Vaughn departs, which is all well and good because the TiVo might appreciate the extra forty minutes alone.

Anyhoo, some angry fans are not taking Vaughn's Vartan's departure very well.

A small bit of cheery, sick sarcasm seeps in...

2005-09-02T12:16:00.000-05:00

All I have left to post on the matter of New Orleans is that I'm willing to bet that Michael Bay and Jerry Bruckheimer have holed up themselves in a hotel room somewhere in Southern California with a couple of studio script hacks watching every minute of news coverage.

Link du jour

2005-09-01T12:02:00.000-05:00

You've probably seen this by now, but here it is. While I hate throwing around the label of "bias," I also acknowledge bias still exists.

Should we save New Orleans?

2005-09-01T09:35:00.000-05:00

Eric Zorn weighs in on the resurrection of New Orleans. Earlier, Jeff Harrell offered his opinion. It's amazing when two bloggers on different ends of the political spectrum agree on something as "big" as this issue. Of course, I agree with both. The only thing worth saving for the sake of fiscal sanity is the actual Port of New Orleans and possibly some of the refineries in the area. Start drafting plans for Orleans III or relocation programs.

The images that really strike me almost dumb are those of the mobs and looters. The Third World is the rule rather than the exception, and the line between civilization and chaos is a very thin one. It's unsettling to think that any large urban area is a natural disaster away from large-scale disorder. History makes this point again and again, but to see a city fall apart in real time is unique.

The high cost of living

2005-08-31T13:27:00.000-05:00

Are we now paying record high prices for unleaded gasoline? The highest average price was $3.04 in 2005 dollars back in 1981. High oil demand from China couple with the recent widespread damage caused by Hurricane Katrina will likely send the average price well above $3.00, meaning we will be paying the highest average prices in recent memory.

The effects of rising gas prices are both immediate and long-term. The long-term effects will determine the course of the American economy, which continues to skew more to the consumer side of the equation. Some are already declaring a return to stagflation, especially in the face of a Federal Reserve more apt to raise interest rates, but let's keep the doom and gloom in check.

America has proved itself a great reactionary society, but how can we react positively to the high cost of living? Will we all start selling our heavy trucks and cars in favor of more fuel-efficient models? Will we starting using public transportation and bikes to move ourselves? Will Congress or the President call for our nation to begin conserving our fuel rather than promising to find that magical alternative crude oil reserve in our hemisphere? Will higher fuel efficiencies to be available within five years be mandated of domestic auto makers? Will the internal combustion engine finally be abandoned? Who will save the larger airlines whose past inefficiencies are faced with rising fuel costs?

Sometimes, society needs a shakedown. Higher gas prices coupled with this recent devastation might be just that.

What are we mourning here?

2005-08-30T15:26:00.000-05:00

Hurricane Katrina. Devastation. Lives lost and displaced. On-the-spot reporters again inexplicably spared from the storm.

CNBC is talking about 75 Wal-Mart stores and casinos being close. Yeah, yeah, it's CNBC. Yeah, yeah, the web of life. But, come on. I'm sure CNBC is elated they can tie a natural disaster into their coverage since the Boxing Day Tsunami affected "nothing of interest" except some model and an Oprah regular. This time we have an entire NFL franchise displaced. The horror. And is Anne Rice safe?

The last baseball post I care to post for a while

2005-08-30T14:45:00.000-05:00

The White Sox are struggling to get to 80 wins after commanding the best MLB record through earlier in August. The same East Coast sports media that ignored the White Sox earlier in the season are now saying "We told you so, largely by not saying anything." (Oddly enough, some White Sox fans are saying this, too.) We hope they can at least reach the playoffs, but their lackluster Cubs-style hitting won't get them anywhere against an American League that is largely playing much hotter.

The Cubs? I hope they finish the season under .500, but I know even that won't hurt the organization. The Cubs are run by a corporation, and all that matters to a corporation is the bottom line. "Did the Cubs brand make money this season?" "How strong were the television ratings?" "Were all the home games sold out this season?" "Do we think we can guarantee high numbers next season?" The Cubs want to grow their team by adding marquee players and managers at the expense of the club itself. Their farm system is mismanaged, and they can't seem to start the minor league players early enough in the season to make a difference. Perhaps we should look no further than the club's president's name of Andy McPhail. The name theory continues...

I'm the lake they call the City of New Orleans.

2005-08-30T14:40:00.000-05:00

I'm with Jeff on this one. I suppose there's no harm in draining and rebuilding the Sodom and Gomorrah of the Mississip' after the levees are rebuilt, but it would seem like throwing money at the problem, and by "the problem," I mean geography.

I'm happy to say the one person I know who lives in New Orleans has been safely away from the storm since Saturday. I'm also happy to say I fueled my car before unleaded petroleum prices likely climb well above the $3 mark.

Stop!

2005-08-18T08:52:00.000-05:00

An Aussie Askew asks for many things to stop. I think we have a meme...

Drivers. For the love of God, stop putting magnetic car ribbons on your car! Don't you understand that you've just been suckered into this decade's version of the Baby On Board craze?

American Industrial Beer Manufacturers. For the love of God, stop trying to convince those of us who actually want to enjoy beer as we drink it that the tasteless swill you create is good for anything other than a cheap buzz. A recent commerical for Bud Light or Miller Lite poked fun at people who enjoy imports, and that's just a cheap shot. What about domestic microbrews? Is that scum, too? Or, do you not care as you're trying to buy as many as you can?

Hoover. For the love of God, stop painting we Dyson owners as vapid snobs. Your Wind Tunnel crap doesn't work after a while. My household tried it for a few years. After more than a year, our Dyson is still sucking hard... in a good way.

The Chicago White Sox. For the love of God, stop sliding. We Cub fans with some semblance of reason want to see some team from Chicago do well this decade. Don't make both halves of this Chicago baseball season worthless.

The American Car Buyer. For the love of God, stop buying cars with low mileage ratings. Don't you get it? If the price of gas settles after the summer, regular unleaded will likely settle around $2.50.

The European Petroleum Consumer. For the love of God, stop reminding us that you've payed through the nose for "petrol" for decades. We get it. We were spoiled for far too long.

Hollywood. For the love of God, stop.

Chicago Mayor Richard M. Daley. For the love of God, stop hoping the Federal corruption investigation will stop just shy of your office. We're not naive. You seem like a nice guy, but we also know your family history.

Nugget of Wisdom

2005-08-17T18:23:00.000-05:00

From blogger Prefect Ford:

When you buy a coffee whose cup states, "CAUTION: CONTENTS MAY BE HOT," it should also state, "WET," and, "TASTES LIKE COFFEE."

Nugget of Wisdom

2005-08-17T18:20:00.000-05:00

Read on a thread in The Superificial Forums about the hoax purporting that Christopher Walken will run for President in 2008:

He could keep social security up his ass until the war is over.

Nugget of Wisdom

2005-08-17T10:23:00.000-05:00

From blogger So-Called "Austin Mayor's" comment on Eric Zorn's imagined future episode of The West Wing involving President Jed Bartlet deciding to speak with a character based on Cindy Sheehan:

I don't know what Jed would do, but President David Palmer from "24" would authorize a covert operation to extract Sheehan from his vacation -- and then order her torture.

But he'd feel pretty bad about it.

Ouch x2

2005-08-16T09:39:00.000-05:00

Justin's guest blogger Tom offers some harsh words about the recent Rafael Palmeiro controversy.

So MLB needed to target a superstar and Palmeiro was Selig’s patsy. No name recognition or records like Sosa or Bonds, not as white as Piazza, even obvious scapegoats like Sheffield were spared because they’re American. With Raffi you got a Cuban with hall of fame stats, but no team loyalty, no records.

Ouch! I can't say I disagree with ol' Tom. Steroids in baseball is the elephant in the room, or whatever the hell the metaphor is. All I can say is when the Texas Rangers were close to their greatest in the 1990s, every single player, including Palmeiro, looked gargantuan.

Tom also has nothing great to say about Nightline guest host Chris Cuomo.

Instead of putting drug companies or politicians on the pressure cooker, Cuomo lines up to tell us whose boobs were done and which line and lure the President uses to catch a crappie.

Ouch! I'll probably save much of this for another blog entry, but Peter Jennings' death followed by Ted Koppel's departure marks the death of old school journalism. Cuomo is the future of popular television journalism, which will be far uglier than Cuomo. Forget that windmill Liberal Media Conspiracy Limbaugh and Hannity tilt at each and every weekday. The real problem is the Stupid Media Conspiracy. Despite the current geopolitical realties, American culture is consumed with navel-gazing or celebrity-gazing, and the mainstream media is either feeding it or feeding off it -- probably both.

My beef with Cuomo was his attempt at an expose of Donald Trump more than a year ago when The Apprentice was keeping NBC above pre-Lost, pre-Desperate Housewives ABC. Cuomo's report attempted to discredit Trump, but it fell flat on its face. Only toward the end did Cuomo bother to mention that his family has an uncomfortable history with Trump, essentially discrediting his investigation and editorialization. Cuomo and ABC News produced a non-story. I'm sure it earned ratings, but it was a colossal waste of time, much like ABC's recent attempt to dethrone American Idol.

Again, where this diatribe is headed is another blog entry. Stay tuned.

Ebert whips out his Pulitzer

2005-08-15T13:33:00.000-05:00

Roger Ebert doesn't like Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo. When Patrick Goldstein of The Los Angeles Times said essentially the same thing when speaking about the lack of studio funding in quality entertainment, he was bitchslapped by Rob Scheider. Ebert more or less has the final word on the matter in his review of the film.

Speaking in my official capacity as a Pulitzer Prize winner, Mr. Schneider, your movie sucks.

Of course, I must always ask, "What would Siskel do?"

Retail sucks...

2005-08-15T12:30:00.000-05:00

...but you already knew that.

Where Jeff Harrell's descent into Retail Hell involves CompUSA, mine involves The Home Depot. And by "mine," I mean largely "my wife's," who, despite having ten thousand times more patience and understanding than I, cracked a bit last week after a series of soul-crushing, head-against-the-wall difficulties with celebrated fence climber Tony Stewart's biggest sponsor. Everything's fine now, but the old adage of You Get What You Payed For holds true yet again.

And, no, that adage is not cynical or flippant.

Father/Daughter Bonding

2005-08-15T09:32:00.000-05:00

I took my daughter to Retro on Roscoe Saturday afternoon to see Ralph's World. In person, Ralph's World is the first children's music band that looks like any other garage band. All four members were wearing faded jeans and T-shirts. Ralph has let his hair grow long, and from some angles he looks like one of my college roommates. To our surprise, they released a new CD -- their fifth -- just a few days before, so we secured a copy.

My daughter had a permanent awe-inspired grin on her face. I think she knew what was going on. The band played several older songs. When I wasn't holding her on my shoulders to see Ralph, who was never more than fifty feet away, I was letting her dance in front of me. It was a real treat for both of us.

Afterward, we had dinner with family that live a block away. Convenient, no?

I consider this my first official father/daughter date, and I really enjoyed it. If only I had left the house a half hour earlier, we could have caught more Ralph, or "Rolf" as my daughter calls him. In all honesty, she didn't care when Ralph stopped playing music or when we left during his second set. She's laid back that way.

Chicago is a big small town (Advertising edition)

2005-08-11T11:24:00.000-05:00

A recent Sears commercial features the Ralph's World song "Just Like The Monkeys." Both Sears and Ralph Covert are based in Chicago.

The Banal Frontier Continued

2005-08-10T13:43:00.000-05:00

Idle Words offers a great essay on the crippled NASA Space Shuttle program. It's full of great stuff that, if you're a somewhat rational person who can put aside the emotion of science fiction for just ten secods, will make you angry. My favorite portion is the rebuttal to the argument that critics of manned space flight are as close-minded as some Old World Europeans.

[NASA likens] critics of manned space flight to those Europeans in the 1500's who would have cancelled the great voyages of discovery rather than face the loss of one more ship.

Of course, the great explorers of the 1500's did not sail endlessly back and forth a hundred miles off the coast of Portugal, nor did they construct a massive artificial island they could repair to if their boat sprang a leak. And we must remember that space is called space for a reason - there is nothing in it

That's right, NASA. You throw glib analogies at we plebes, and we'll throw it right back at you.

And shame on you, NASA, for the continuing elementary school propaganda, though it won't matter. Children are far more cynical today than even during my pre-Challenger years. The ambitions of space exploration are no longer guided by pulp sci-fi or multiple derivatives of Gene Roddenberry's bland secular vision, nor are they guided by the Cold War mantra of "Beat Those Pinko Commies."

Nugget of Wisdom

2005-08-10T10:46:00.000-05:00

From Defamer's report on The Island Blame Game:

Truly, the production was doomed the moment DreamWorks decided to change the title from Futuristic Cloning Movie, But Don't Worry, Plenty of Shit Blows Up and recast the youth-connecting Olsen Twins with [Scarlett] Johansson. It's easy to second-guess those decisions now that the movie's lost about $100 million.

What if...

2005-08-08T09:30:00.000-05:00

...Dusty Baker isn't the problem. Perhaps the Chicago Cubs are individually not talented enough to be anything but "the team with the best record with the least talent."

It's really easy for me or others to put the weight of the team's problems on Baker's shoulders. After all, we've read reports about his hands-off management style that allows players' egos to simmer and boil. We all watched him allow the club to collapse in the last two games of the 2003 NLCS. While we can't blame him for leadoff problems during the last two seasons, we all watched in amazement last year as Sammy Sosa retained the cleanup spot when he was in a terrible hitting slump. That he was starting at all was confusing. We are all watching in amazement as a completely healthy club is not playing as advertised, all but proving that injuries couldn't shoulder much blame.

But, in the end, you play the game with the team you have, not the team you want. Baker's style simply demands self-disciplined players that work well together on the field, and he doesn't have that many. In spite of his recent hitting slump, Derrek Lee seems to be the most self-disciplined, cool player on the team both offensively and defensively. Aramis Ramirez is in second place. Otherwise, so many players are making so many mistakes that Baker can't be pigeonholed as The Cause.

During any other season, Baker should dodge all skepticism, but this season, the other Chicago MLB franchise is illuminating everything that is wrong with Baker's clubhouse. Ozzie Guillen has taken a group of players with rather mediocre statistics and made them a formidable team. The White Sox are poised to march right into the playoffs though they have a tough schedule ahead of them. Whether they survive the playoffs is a different issue, but they have the mental toughness and solid fundamentals to clinch their division.

Over the weekend, rumors were running around asserting that Baker has expressed interest in the Dodgers, and vice versa. He and Cubs' GM Jim Hendry were quick to dismiss the rumors, but I wouldn't be surprised if Baker has given a departure one year short of his contract's expiration some serious thought. While I think his presence in Chicago adds value, I won't be upset if he leaves. He's been given four years to build a new dynasty, and the Cubs are little more than they were before he arrived -- a glorified exhibition team often forgetful of fundamentals with a marquis hitter, a few underachieving aces, and a murky bullpen. A third year with a winning record is notable, but it still falls very short of a dynasty.

The Cubs organization will likely fight to keep Baker if only the keeps asses in seats during every home game. They still have to pay for Sosa, after all.

Who wants to be Michael Barrett today?

2005-08-04T08:43:00.000-05:00

Long story told elsewhere.

Maybe Barrett wanted to spare the bullpen an draining extra-innings affair. Uh huh. That's it.

I don't want to assume I know how to play the game better than people who are payed at least six figures a year to do it, but that final play was absolutely embarrassing. This proves that throwing money and trades at a team does nothing if the team's culture and level of play fails to show positive, consistent qualities.

On some teams, it can be said each games produces a different hero. Such has been said of the White Sox this season. But for the Cubs, one can easily find a different loser. This game belonged to Barrett.

On the play in question, he thought the ump would call an out for the foul-tip, but he should have at least made a better effort at catching the ball rather than letting it pass. He can't wait for the ump's reaction in such a tight circumstance. Also, he can't excuse his inability to make the right play, which was to chase down the man on third. He also blew an earlier opportunity for the Cubs to score when he struck out with bases loaded.

It Takes a Read of My Book

2005-07-31T10:18:00.000-05:00

Senator Rick Santorum (R-PA) appeared on This Week With George Stephanopolous this morning, pushing his new book It Takes a Family, which attacks what he claims is an elitist movement that attacks stay-at-home mothers specifically and the American family in general.

While I haven't read his book, his side of the interview was equal parts speaking into an echo chamber, tilting at windmills, and energizing an easily disgruntled base, so I can imagine what I would read after spending US$25.00 (list). He uttered all the conversative Republican buzz words -- e.g. "Hollywood culture," "elistists," "liberal academia," "Hillary Clinton." He believes an elistist movement as epitomized by Hillary Clinton and Gloria Steinem -- he couldn't recall any other names -- is pressuring both fathers and mothers to equate success in their work lives as success in their family. He says that one could easily round up stay-at-home mothers who feel pressured to work.

On that count he's right, but he's completely misframed a debate that should be conducted in the American public. It is well known that middle class women were empowered to work not out of desire but out of the necessity. In the 1970s, the buying power of a typical single middle class income dropped dramatically. Consider these estimates:

College graduates earned 1.43 times as much as high school grads in 1972 but 1.82 times as much by 1992.

Those with advanced degrees made 1.72 times as much as high school grads in 1972, 2.54 times as much in 1992.

Also, during the 1970s, average mortgages began to outpace middle incomes and companies began to begin cycles of mergers and layoffs while not paying enough to compensate for inflation. All of this adds up to a strong need for two incomes to support the average household.

Perhaps Senator Santorum should look to his own body of fellow legislators and the companies that fill their coffers before he points the finger at some vague group of elitists who want to destroy the nuclear family, which itself is a false notion, but that's for another time.

How to defeat the Cubs

2005-07-29T10:15:00.000-05:00

Call up a hot young starting pitcher from Triple-A.
Allow them to get on base. Cub hitters tend to get dumber or more desperate with men on.
Wear out their starting pitcher as early as possible.
Play them at Wrigley Field.

The Final Spam Solution

2005-07-28T14:26:00.000-05:00

Someone in Russia has discovered the most effective means of ending spam.

A fresh, crisp Andrew Jackson note says that one of the CSIs, Law & Orders, or Without A Trace will use this story in an episode in the upcoming 2005-2006 season. Hell, someone might have to jot down a novella centered on a Spam Assassin hired by the CIA. If we can send goons to take down unpleasant dictators, why not go after a few isolated spammers?

The Banal Frontier

2005-07-28T13:56:00.000-05:00

Why the hell are we still sending people into space? Clearly, NASA is scared shitless of watching another vehicle disintegrate upon re-entry, because they've grounded the fleet and parked the shuttle on the ISS. (So much for all that high-dollar space research.)

Look, back when the Americans and Soviets were measuring their dicks by pitting their respective captured Nazi rocket scientists against each other, this was all well and good. Back when Americans didn't think Gene Roddenberry offered a glib view of the future, this was all well and good. Back when we all thought the Moon was made of some variety of cheese and worth exploring to discredit said cheese claims, this was all well and good. Back when Americans had no idea how much they'd love the Space Pen, Tang, or memory foam pillows, this was all well and good. Back when we thought throwing billions of dollars at sending shit into space was more important than -- oh, I don't know -- solving our own fucking problems first, this was all well and good.

I'm all for the quest for knowledge. Shit, I often avail myself of the latest findings in astronomy or physics. The universe is a pretty interesting place, whether or not your an atheist or agnostic looking for a raison d'etre a religion can't provide you, but why are we spending all this money to risk the lives of teams of people whose mission is to apparently provide future generations of salespersons and marketers a reason not to kill themselves?

Didn't the X Prize prove anything? Doesn't it set the tone for the future of space travel or orbital travel?

with apologies to Jeff Harrell for cramping his latest style

Okay, here's the actual final nail in the coffin to house Alias.

2005-07-28T11:47:00.000-05:00

This is from a recent piece in Sci-Fi Wire:

Since Garner will be limited in the kinds of action scenes she can do, the show will be adding a younger character who will become Sydney Bristow's protege.

There you have it -- a classic Cousin Oliver. All that needs doing is adding Ted McGinley to the cast. If I've confused you, go here.

A plea

2005-07-27T14:39:00.000-05:00

Stop with the damned car ribbons.

Seriously.

Indoor fun for everyone

2005-07-27T11:28:00.000-05:00

Could someone explain to me why an indoor park of any kind can't be found in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area? I don't care whether someone is a lifelong resident of North Texas, he or she is still as susceptible to heat stroke. I recall many a summer day working at Six Flags Over Texas where at least one "guest" would succumb to heat stroke. On particularly busy days, it was not unusual to learn about six or seven victims.

I remember being "used to" the Texas heat and humidity. I remember eagerly playing the "park under a tree" game every single morning to keep the car from reaching average kiln temperatures by the afternoon. But now I'm a Chicagoan who (A) doesn't like to drive to begin with and (B) can't stand average Texas summer (read March through September) temperatures.

I can recall only one indoor park in all of my 22 years in Texas -- Sesame Place. It was partially indoor as the water portion was left outside along with a go-cart track. Sesame Place in Irving lasted a few years but probably couldn't draw the numbers needed to offset the operating costs. (One park remains in Pennsylvania.)

I realize operating costs for any kind of indoor park are large, but I think someone in Texas needs to step up and offer something a little larger in scope than Discovery Zone (which has collapsed) or some random "jump palace." Perhaps Texans just prefer to have their fun outdoors despite numerous warnings from meteorologists to stay indoors whenever possible in hot weather. Prehaps they're just better prepared to consume as much liquid as possible when outside. I can't understand how an indoor park couldn't be profitable.

Indoor parks are common here in the Midwest, where crippling winters make activity in the least amount of clothing impossible. The Wisconsin Dells are dotted with indoor monstrosities. The Mall of America has an entire theme park at its core. Indoor pools are almost as commonplace as outdoor pools. Clearly, the weather dictated this. Why can't the opposite kind of weather dictate the same approach?

This should be the last nail in the coffin to house Alias.

2005-07-27T10:32:00.000-05:00

Sydney Bristow will be portrayed as pregnant in the upcoming fourth season of Alias. This along with the move to a slot competing with Survivor and Joey next season should seal the show's fate. Look for all kinds of ominous, repetitive, circular Rambaldi prophecy talk. Cue the heavy strings!

I hereby predict that Lost will go down the tubes in the 2006 season, so enjoy it while you can. J. J. Abrams so far has a proven track record of producing brainchildren that retard after two solid seasons. (Also, all of his female characters possess a similar body type that I find unattractive, but that's for another time.)

I've discovered a new game for grownups.

2005-07-26T00:29:00.000-05:00

This game requires nothing but imagination.

When you're shopping at a Wal*Mart at 10:30 in the evening, imagine each customer being apprehended in an episode of Cops. Granted, the male customers you'll be using for this game will be wearing shirts of some kind, but I'll stretch the suspension of disbelief just this once.

By the way, everything that's wrong with society can be found within the walls of a Wal*Mart.

Sci-Fi Friday!

2005-07-15T11:25:00.000-05:00

Unless you're living in a cave or are like some persons I know who think science fiction is just "silly" or "dumb," you're chomping at the bit to watch the debut of the 2005 season of Sci-Fi Friday tonight. While my craving for good television has been slightly satisfied by the new season of Rescue Me on FX, the new season of Battlestar Galactica (BSG) will keep me full. (Following the analogy, the two Stargate installments would be appetizers such as gyoza or lettuce chicken wraps.)

Beyond the politics and the survival story, the part of BSG that most appeals to me is its strong sense of spirituality. What ultimately keeps Star Trek away from being unquestionably regarded by the public is its lack of spirituality. According to the story, humanity by the 23rd century developed a secular utopia free of any notion of religion beyond an offhand use of a ship's chapel in one episode of the classic series. The most acclaimed Star Trek series, Deep Space Nine, stood out because it attempted to deeply explore religion. Specifically, it explored the religion of one alien culture who worship wormhole-dwelling aliens unbound to time unfortunately called the Prophets.

Whenever Star Trek explored religion, it was usually as parable. The singularly awful "Chosen Realm" on Enterprise has left a permanent bad taste in my mouth for such episodes. Its message of religious extremism and intolerance was overwrought. Like many modern Star Trek episodes, its climax was rushed and shoved to the last two minutes.

My problem with science fiction of sci-fi such as this is that spirituality is something inherent to all of us, regardless of our beliefs. I would hazard a guess that even some atheists are partial to believing in some kind of spirit inherent to each of us. To dismiss spirituality as something "past us" in a futurist narrative is to deny a part of humanity. Some might say that humanity in the Star Trek universe has universally embraced (don't get me started on the vapid monocultures in Star Trek) science above religion. Science has become religion to them, but the writers are denying themselves a whole universe to explore -- the complicated relationship between science and religion, often in conflict, often in harmony.

BSG has embedded spirituality in the story. The Colonials worship a pantheon of twelve Lord of Kobol. Some might also be monotheists, but this could have been a writer's mistake in an early episode. The Cylons, created by the Colonials, have rapidly evolved and discovered "God" in their absence following the Cylon Wars, declaring their god to be superior to the Lords of Kobol. One Cylon even opined that God deemed humanity unworthy of souls, took him away from humanity, and gave them to the Cylons. On the face of it, the Cylons certainly seem more spiritual. They exhibit some form of shared consciousness that seems like a very advanced form of a modern computer grid. Meanwhile, the Colonials are dealing with visions and prophecies that may lead them to Kobol and perhaps to the mythic Earth.

This coming season will put some of these pieces together while throwing a few more on the table. Whatever happens, after a hell of a ride last season, the second season should be even bigger and better. Star What?

Hooking up, rolling eyes, smacking faces on the television screen

2005-07-15T11:24:00.000-05:00

Though I'm as far removed from the life of a single female Manhattanite, I felt drawn to ABC's newest filler Hooking Up. The premise is simple: cameras (and producers, don't forget them) follow single women in Manhattan as they use online dating services to find the elusive Mr. Right. What annoyed me was a common world view shared by most of the women in this episode -- the post-Oprah, post-romantic-comedy over-self-aware belief that love is this nearly unattainable continuous state of euphoria. What they seem to want is beyond the "happily ever after" of previous generations.

While they still don't realize that "falling in love" can't be a permanent thing, they make more of a drama out of finding love than necessary. As one date aptly told one of the women, "It's not that serious." This was directed at the episode's designated bitch, whose callous heart was unveiled at the end.

Let me set these women straight. Love is not complicated nor is it simple. The feelings you feel when you first fall in love will fade but will be replaced with something I think is better -- a more "mature" kind of love. Those seeking love actively will rarely find it. Love is something that just happens, often to the surprise of both parties.

Here's some more unsolicited advice. To the woman who didn't like a date glancing at her chest: Don't complain when you wear a tattoo in your cleavage and wear outfits highlighting said cleavage. To the woman from South Dakota dating a stereotypical New Yorker: I hope you like running your fingers through gel-filled hair. To the doctor who deliberately obscured her profession and real first name to who appeared to be a genuinely nice guy (and also a doctor): Get over yourself, and it's not that serious for you, too. To all of you: Deep down you know you live in Manhattan because you want to make a "living" as a single New York woman with all the "woe is me" sophistication that comes with it.

The Drought of Ought-Five

2005-07-13T10:43:00.000-05:00

Northern Illinois is in the midst of a near-record drought. Lawns are brown and pitiful. Crops are endangered. Inevitably, the question of whether to water the dormant (not dead) lawn rises. Trib columnist Eric Zorn offers his insight and later reflects the following in his response to a poll about watering.

Could it be that, in this drought, green lawns will become like deep suntans, furs and Hummer SUVs? No longer symbols of wealth and beauty, but symbols of irresponsibility, decadence and wretched excess?

Count me as someone refusing the water my lawn. I watered once when I wanted to play with my daughter using the sprinkler. Needless to say, some neighbors with built-in misting systems have almost freakishly out-of-place, lush, green lawns. Most of us sensible folk just roll our eyes at their efforts. As Zorn says, we're truly at nature's whim. Some summers just aren't meant for green lawns.

Hey, remember those "Out of the Blue" Cubs?

2005-07-12T11:50:00.000-05:00

Eric Zorn passed along this nugget of insight from local blogger Justin Kaufmann:

Remember 2003 when the Cubs almost went to the World Series? Here's my hair brained theory (don't sue, i make no money). I say they were ALL on performance enhancing juice. Think about it....Wood, Prior were the best pitchers ever, now they can't stay healthy and get clobbered. Sosa and Alou were tops in the league (now, worst), Joe Borowski, Corey Patterson, Kyle Farnsworth, Alex Gonzales, Eric Karros, Mark Grudzelanek, Randall Simon? All those guys either got hurt, suck now or are out of the league. In 2 years!!!! Hey, I'm just sayin...

He's not thinking anything unique or new, but it is an unbelievable coincidence that so many stars from that team have fallen off the map in just two seasons. Regardless, there are a few holes in this crackpot theory. Grud has done well with the Cards this season. Alex Gonzalez was never that great, and the same goes for catchers Damian Miller and Paul "Pass Ball" Bako. Farnsworth was as inconsistent in 2003 as he was in any other season. While CoPat was playing his career best in 2003, he didn't play a game after July 6 due to his ACL tear. Also, Prior was out for a considerable portion of the season. (He has yet to pitch for a complete season.) One certainly couldn't count Kenny Lofton because he was on his way out of the Leagues already.

Perhaps 2003 was simply the last best season many of those players could offer. Some might have been on performance-enhancing drugs, but it was well known that many players were walking Bondo by the end of the regular season. At least Alex Gonzalez reeked of linament. Dusty Baker and Jim Hendry weren't going to sit on the same set of players as they were trying to build a dynasty.

There's also an axiom in competitive team sports that dictates that, in spite of how much money is thrown at a given franchise in a given year, a team can simply surge, can become better than the sum of its parts, even if its parts are already largely working at their best. In short, success is as much a component of happenstance as raw talent. On paper, the 2003 Cubs don't look that phenominal.

The 2003 Cubs had a lot of holes, which were made apparent in the final three games of the 2003 NLCS, but they had enough to win their Division and beat the Braves in the NLDS. Plus, the Cards were nowhere near as good in 2003 as they have been since. The Astros, Cards, and Cubs were all fairly evenly matched, and the Cubs won the Division uncontested only because the Brewers managed to get the best of the Astros while they won a doubleheader against the humble Pirates. Again, happenstance...

I think what's more curious is how lackluster the Cubs franchise itself has been compared to what it accomplished in 2003. They haven't really improved themselves. They one only one more game in 2004. They are on the road to posting a similar season record. Key injuries have played a part, but only on the pitching side. Only a few batters have performed with any consistency. When Cub fans start feeling sorry for Derrek Lee and Aramis Ramirez, there are problems.

No Cub fan wants to think 2003 was the high point of the modern era. Had the Cubs squeaked into the World Series and been pounded by the Yankees or the Red Sox, Cub fans wouldn't have cared. That stupid curse would've been broken, and everyone could reminisce happily on that one magical season. Instead, Cub fans are left with memories of silent bats, bad fielding, inadequate management, lost tempers, wasted opportunities, and an unfortunate scapegoat in the span of three games. The following two seasons of the alleged "Why Not Us? Dynasty" have produced little else.

What's in yer head, Katie?

2005-07-11T10:31:00.000-05:00

Several sources, including Roger "Fox411" Friedman, have noted a recent interview with Katie Holmes in which her demeanor was that of a zombie. As I said earlier, we are all witnesses to the brainwashing of a very public individual. While she might not be crazy, she is certainly a little unwell.

In the same item linked above, Friedman wonders out loud what the true purpose of the Cruise/Holmes insta-romance is, but I wonder if he wrote that with his tongue planted in his cheek. He seemed very eager to exclude the "movie PR theory." His extensive connections might have yielded him an explanation not dissimilar to the particulars of this item, which makes as much sense as their pairing being an effort to promote a summer blockbuster. Of course, Friedman would probably never print something this completely unsubstantiated, and I respect him for it, but deep down, he must believe this to be the truth.

A Big Break for Chicago

2005-07-11T09:28:00.000-05:00

Cubs: Jus keepa continue

I'm as shocked as anyone that the Cubs swept the Marlins -- including a win against Dontrelle Willis -- in Miami after losing eight straight. They enter the Break one game below .500, and one game behind Houston, who've surged the past six weeks. They are six games back in the Wild Card and a ridiculous number of games behind Division leader St. Louis. (Note to MLB.com: Would it kill you to put the Wild Card standings on the same page as the Division standings?)

The Cubs have a few chances left to eat away at the Cards' lead, but they'll have to play several levels higher than even their recent efforts in Miami. They have yet to prove they have the consistency of quality to reach the playoffs. They must also contend with a much stronger Astros club ahead of them in the coming months, including what might be a dramatic series at the end of the season. By "dramatic," I mean, "the Cubs are playing for more than a spoiler."

Sox: Pray for no A's

When the White Sox enter the 2005 playoffs, they had better hope they don't face the Oakland Athletics in the ALDS or ALCS. The A's batters have figured out how to beat every Sox pitcher. The Sox are 2-7 against the A's in 2005 and 11-34 since 2001.

I'm sure they'll recover after the All-Star Break. They'll probably find themselves in a few more 8-game win streaks before the season ends. Regardless, they and their fans had better pray the Angels and Rangers can punish the A's enough to produce a Wild Card from the AL East.

They're probably spending all their disposable income on ONE.

2005-07-08T12:45:00.000-05:00

The actors who recently played Danny Ocean and A Character Not Named Danny Ocean in the two Ocean's [Cardinal] films have reportedly signed a deal to design and build a casino. The nice part? George Clooney and Brad Pitt don't have to invest a dime, but they get a cut of the profits.

Clooney and Pitt are wasting their time on acting, casinos, and ONE. Their true calling is running professional sports franchises.

No word yet on whether a special wing of the casino will house African refugees. Also, nothing has surfaced about a Pat Robertson Marriage Chapel in the lobby.

Fire Baker? It won't help.

2005-07-08T08:48:00.000-05:00

The good news is my in-laws get to see some Major League leadoff hitting and center fielding.

The Cubs have dropped eight in a row, sent two struggling outfielders to AAA Iowa, and have the privilege of facing the much hotter Marlins before a much-needed break. A franchise commanding the fifth highest payroll in the Leagues will enter the All-Star Break significantly below .500 and behind many other teams in the Wild Card race.

What's wrong? What isn't. I doubt firing Dusty Baker would have much impact. After seeing the expressions on Baker's face and on the face of every player in the roster over the last week, I don't think anyone in the clubhouse really cares any more. Or perhaps they care too much, which would explain their recent bout of freeswinging. Given Baker's alleged excellent ego-stroking abilities, firing him might do more harm than good.

What's interesting is the Chicago sports media for the first time in a long while can't whitewash the Cubs. The superb performance of the White Sox this season has forced even the most unyielding of Cub fans to realize the Northsiders are a complete mess. Unfortunately, the positive White Sox press is outweighed by the negative Cubs press. I'm certain the Trib's ownership of the Cubs has some impact.

As someone not born and raised in Chicago, I enjoy both teams. After all, they play in different Leagues and engage in some friendly "crosstown scrimmaging" every season. I chose to follow the Cubs for reasons I can't exactly qualify. Perhaps it was because Kerry Wood grew up not far from me. I never followed baseball before moving to Chicago, and it's hard to ignore it once you live hear. The Chicago climate prompts residents to absorb and cherish every aspect of summertime, including the alleged national pasttime.

I thought 2003 was the beginning of good things for the team. Dusty Baker brought clout with him. Jim Hendry appeared to be building a new dynasty. The Cubs organization seemed interested in at least entering the World Series before the centennial of their last big win, which is still three years away. Instead, we're getting more of the same -- mostly mediocre players who experience very hot and very cold hitting streaks, pitchers whose full potential is realized with other clubs, pitchers who are ultimately too good for the lousy run support they have, a terrible bullpen, and clubhouse bickering. The Cubs are a cautonary tale for lackluster management in spite of a large budget.

Instead, Kenny Williams and Ozzie Guillen have built a quality team across town that plays the season one game at a time and doesn't give up until after the final out. The Southsiders don't have headliners like Derrek Lee, Aramis Ramirez, Mark Prior (who all three deserve the praise heaped upon them), Nomar, Wood, or Maddux, but they have a team that plays well together and enjoys playing baseball. The only chip they have on their shoulder is due to the aforementioned lack of attention from the Chicago media. I have a feeling all of that will change in a few months.

What's a Cub fan to do? Steer clear of sports radio and wait 'til next year. Or, as I said before, wait 'til last year.

UPDATE

Phil Rogers of the Trib says it better, but, then again, that's his job.

Brief Reaction

2005-07-07T10:55:00.000-05:00

Our thoughts and prayers go out to those affected by the bombings in London. It has been my hope to visit that city again after spending some time there for business and pleasure in the fall of 2001. (Yes, it was fairly tourist-free at the time.) It's a beautiful city full of great history and great people, and I hope it can move past this terrible event.

What's keeping Sonic Drive-In out of Chicagoland?

2005-07-05T14:40:00.000-05:00

As someone who moved from Dallas/Fort Worth to Chicagoland some time ago, I can understand that certain things don't translate well between the two locales. Commuter culture is vastly different, though far too many commuters drive and drive alone in both places.

What boggles my mind is the lack of Sonic Drive-In Restaurants in Chicagoland. I realize the car-centric nature of the chain makes it a difficult sell to franchisees in an area that can be inundated with snow and freezing temperatures through a considerable portion of the year, though that season appears to be concentrated between January 1 and April 30. I posit franchises would make enough money during the warmer months to afford being closed or open fewer hours during the colder months.

What Sonic offers the Chicagoland area is their specialty drinks and treats. The standard burger joint fare are above par, but the Limeaids, Shakes, Malts, Slushes, Cream Slushes, and flavored sodas set them apart from most other chains. We Chicagoans have our scattered Dairy Queens and a few independently-operated treat stands, but Sonic offers great drinks and treats at reasonable prices. Many Sonic franchises feature Happy Hours that offer drinks and treats at half price during a varying range of hours -- they differ by franchise.

My wife and I realize we might be alone when we're driving around craving something Sonic with nothing to satisfy it. If only Chicagoland knew what they were missing -- which I'd hope is a larger number as Sonics can be found in Indiana and central and southern Illinois. Hopefully, Sonic's recent pentration into the Des Moines area is a sign of things to come. If they come that far north, all they need to do is head east for a large market that could very likely grab hold of the franchise. If Potbelly's relatively cheap offering can spread like a virus in Chicago and elsewhere, why not Sonic?

Food for Thought

2005-07-05T12:00:00.000-05:00

The ONE Campaign has created a lot of interest in the flow of money to developing countries -- in particular, Africa. The Shape of Days offers insight into the amount of foreign aid funds America is already sending, though by "America," he doesn't necessarily mean "the federal government."

While the persons and organizations behind ONE have their hearts in the right place, they need a new approach. Instead of urging citizens to urge their governments to spend more money, ONE should urge citizens to open their own wallets.

"But some concerned citizens can't afford to donate while the U.S. Government can," an observer might say. The U.S. Government is in a budget deficit and won't be out of it for some time. The voices behind ONE keep reminding citizens how stingy the eight richest governments are with foreign aid. Perhaps if each celebrity involved in ONE pledged to donate a significant percentage of his or her income to foreign aid, they could both set an example and pick up whatever slack they observe. Putting one's money where one's mouth is still counts for something, especially when one commands a personal budget surplus.

I won't begin to mire this post with remarks about how limousine liberals want Big (and Generous) Government at the same time complaining about conservatives who engage in deficit spending and apparently don't give enough foreign aid. Somehow I can't help but think ONE is just a well-packaged means of pointing more fingers at the Bush Administration. The Culture Wars continue... this time at the expense of developing nations.

The Rest of the Season?

2005-07-05T10:30:00.000-05:00

The Chicago Cubs' offense has largely shut down the past five games after showing signs of life against the White Sox and the Brewers. As of today, they are below .500 for the first time since before the days of that happy-go-luck West Coast road trip. Both Mark Prior and Kerry Wood have returned to the starting rotation, but the bullpen has provided little relief and the batsmen score runs largely through the one-run longball.

It's no secret the Cubs suck at home. How a team can't be comfortable in their own ballpark is beyond me. The fans pack it for every single game. What else do they need? Is the team trying to help some perverted cause to relocate the entire club to the suburbs?

It's no secret Corey Patterson is the latest position player with a target on his back. Jerry Hairston Jr. has filled CoPat's spot for the last few starts, reaching base far more often than the designated permanent leadoff man. (Appropriately, a pinch-hitting CoPat was the Cubs' last out against the Braves last night.) If GM Jim Hendry is in the mood to sell, CoPat must be at the top of his list. For whatever reason, CoPat doesn't care enough to earn the leadoff spot. I think he just hates the local Cub fans who've given him a large share of "boo"s over the last two seasons. (I think the "boo"s are earned, but I'm not signing his checks.)

It's no secret that in spite of having a celebrated manager and pitching coach, the Cubs continue practice the lousy baserunning, rare opportunity scoring, and deep pitch counts of the pre-Hendry era. Jeromy Burnitz has committed two baserunning mistakes in the past few games, often forgetting how slow he is. The Cubs have dropped several double plays defensively while hitting into them offensively far too often. They've completely forgotten about sacrifice plays. For all their talent, Prior, Wood, and Carlos Zambrano can walk a lot of batters and put themselves behind in a large percentage of their counts, which doesn't bode well when one looks at the up-and-down bullpen. Greg Maddux doesn't walk as many, but his liberal use of the strike zone has put too many home plate umpires in the game.

(It's no secret Dusty Baker also has a target on his back.)

It's no secret the Houston Astros are close to passing the Cubs for second place in the division. Though they likely won't catch up the St. Louis Cardinals, they have a team that can contend for the Wild Card. The Astros are essentially repeating their performance from 2004 -- struggling until just before the All-Star Break, then playing above-.500 ball through October. The Wild Card is no guarantee for any time, but the Astros have as much a shot at it as anyone from the NL East.

It's no secret the season is not half over yet. Hendry could make a few miracle moves that strengthen the team. The bullpen could come together. The starters could pitching nothing but their best stuff through October. The batsmen could improve their hitting and baserunning. The defense could preserve more play opportunities. Nomar Garciaparra's addition to the lineup could prove very helpful.

It's no secret I said all the same stuff in the above paragraph this time last year. The tired Cub fans' mantra of "Wait 'Til Next Year" should be permanently changed to "Wait 'Til Last Year."

MTV sucks? This is news?

2005-07-05T09:30:00.000-05:00

Trib guest blogger Mark Caro actually watched MTV's Live 8 coverage and almost threw a shoe at the television.

Could MTV show any more contempt for the music that originally gave the network its reason to exist?

I don't know where Mr. Caro has been the last fifteen years, but MTV has long abandoned being about music. MTV is mostly about marketing to preteens, tweens, teens, and college students who've yet to be angry at the world. The network hit a few quick high points over the years like Beavis & Butthead, Ren & Stimpy, Buzzkill, The State, and its own funky take on Spider-Man, but it's relied too much on its extended cast of Bunim-Murray D-list whores and other "reality-based" projects. Even the network's one "break out hit" The Osbournes fell flat on its face when viewers quickly grew tired of Ozzy's drug-addled clan.

When one charts the rise and fall of MTV's hits, one can't help but notice that their lives are as short as the apparent attention span of its average viewer. The only constant on MTV for a long while has been The Real World, Road Rules, and any combination of the two. Veronica has seen more screen time on MTV in the last five years than any given musician. (It's still a shame to watch The Real World and recall that the preformulated hormone-fest started as an earnest effort to understand racial and sexual politics.)

Condensing the vast wasteland...

2005-07-03T16:56:00.000-05:00

My dear friend Evan flexes his pop culture muscles.

I hear the Nazis were fond of salons.

2005-07-01T07:37:00.000-05:00

Salon finishes its four-part series on Scientology with this article and this one.

The more I read about Scientology, the more I think the religion is more about advancing an agenda than the "search for meaning" I mentioned earlier. In the same article, I also advanced my belief that the most distinguishing characteristic of a cult is the mimicking of the founder's paranoid among his or her followers. If you have any doubts that L. Ron Hubbard was paranoid, look no further than these documents offered by The Smoking Gun, featuring his typical clumsy, rambling prose. (The stuff about Nixon might induce hysterical laughter.)

Adjust for inflation!

2005-07-01T07:26:00.000-05:00

The opening day of War of the Worlds has been reported as the "most successful first day for a [Tom] Cruise movie." Such reporting is meant to imply that Cruise's public shenanigans will have little impact on the performance of his film. The mainstream press has been fixated on Cruise and on the alleged "box office slump" of 2005, so expect many articles written about this film's box office grosses.

Hopefully, the next news outlet to compare all of Cruise's opening day grosses will adjust for inflation. I doubt War of the Worlds tops Top Gun.

Saved by no zero

2005-07-01T06:25:00.000-05:00

Hinterspace comments on this article. This is more about graduating students and keeping athletes eligible than maintaining the best possible honor roll. As an education director mentioned in the article, children will take advantage of the system. Many of us spend much of our childhood trying to take advantage of something, so why not an inflated grade system?

Grade inflation is deflating the value of public education. Grading on a curve is acceptable because it still encourages good performance, but creating a grade floor without adjusting the failure threshold means many will get several free passes for little work or too much poor work.

Such softballing within public education is to be expected. No school district wants to be marked with a low graduation rate, and challenging students is no longer the priority. Instead, public schools are becoming pure "graduate factories" when they aren't preoccupied with being "athlete factories." Add to this the fact that several textbooks used by these schools are subpar and have been known to offer erroneous information, and we're looking at future generations of undereducated adults making critical decisions. I hope the recent explosion of home schooling and its dissociation from the stereotype of "sheltering holy roller parents" will save the collective intellect of society.

Nugget of Wisdom

2005-06-30T08:58:00.000-05:00

From Mark Caro -- currently subbing for Eric Zorn in the latter's Trib blog -- writing about PETA's indignance (when are they not indignant?) towards an aquarium's offering of fish in its cafeteria:

Some fish are meant to be looked at. Some are meant to be slathered in tartar sauce. That's the way this crazy, complicated world works.

In other words, PETA's analogy of serving "poodle burgers" at a dog show is weak. PETA seems intent on issuing an indignant, ridiculous release every two months apparently out of a need to remind the general public they still exist.

Flatten Illinois?

2005-06-29T12:09:00.000-05:00

Not only is this scheme the product of a deranged mind, but the schemer doesn't appreciate the fact that Illinois is already largely flat except for the hilly bits near the Mississippi River, which could be ceded to Iowa and Wisconsin.

Oh, and Indiana, Missouri, and Wisconsin are just jealous.

Blogging is a Nazi science.

2005-06-29T12:00:00.000-05:00

Salon is in the midst of publishing a four-part series covering Scientology. Part one addresses deals with the recently more public persona of the religion. Part two is a review of Dianetics. Readers' responses to the review are found here, and I hope the concerns of some of the readers are addressed in the last two installments. (Note: You must click through an advertisement to access Salon.)

A brief off-the-cuff discussion about Scientology at the office warranted responses from a Devil's advocate who I suspect read Dianetics. He said that those seeking Scientology are "searching for meaning." I think every single human on the planet searches for meaning, be it through science, religion, or a combination of the two.

I can't understand how anyone reasonable can find that meaning in Scientology, though the religion's previous success at masking much of its core mythology has probably been able to keep more in its ranks, which is likely part of the design. I believe a given actor possesses a common characteristic (perhaps a chemical imbalance) that makes him or her susceptible to Scientology or any other fad that happens to fall under his or her (or his or her publicist's) radar. Something quantifiable isn't quite right in actors' heads, I'm sure of it. Actors exhibit many of the marks of a self-centered, self-righteous world view, and the introspective nature of Dianetics and Scientology would agree with that mentality. (Has anyone written a case study into the mind of an actor?)

Given that Dianetics breaks down to be a set of paranoid ramblings of a failed novelist with a traumatic past, what concerns me is that so many are internalizing this paranoia and making it part of their world view. I consider this the distinguishing mark of a religious (or quasi-religious) cult. Another distinguishing mark of a cult is an obsession with what I call the "most hated other," which in this case is psychiatry and pharmaceuticals. I wish I could say that coverage of recent happenings with Scientology and its members should be shrugged as the dealings of a few quacks, but no one really knows what the endgame of the Scientology cult is. Forgive me for being the one practicing paranoia, but two tenets of Scientology, as passed along by Roger Friedman, are "Never fear to hurt another in a just cause" and "Never desert a group to which you owe your support." Another phrase worth mentioning is "History repeats itself."

Tom Likes A He

2005-06-29T07:03:00.000-05:00

Thanks to Defamer (or The Defamer -- I'm not sure which), we can all slap our foreheads at the realization that "Katie Holmes" is an anagram for "Tom Likes A He." I'd like to point out that making anagrams was a beloved Nazi pasttime.

Nugget of Wisdom

2005-06-28T09:47:00.000-05:00

From Mark Caro -- currently subbing for Eric Zorn in the latter's Trib blog -- writing about Paramount's overprotective behavior during advance screenings of War of the Worlds:

People will feel more enthusiastic about heading to the multiplex when they sense that the movie industry is most concerned with protecting the audience’s good experience, not protecting the industry from the audience. As the saying goes, if we’re forced to sacrifice our way of life—or at least our way of enjoying movies—then the pirates have won.

Adjust for inflation!

2005-06-27T16:05:00.000-05:00

You no doubt might have stumbled across the news bite declaring that light sweet crude oil closed above $60 for the first time in history and that this will no doubt lead to the highest prices seen at the pump in a while. You might be surprised that crude has actually closed higher in recent history. Once again, the mainstream media has decided to replace insighful rational news with sensationalism. (And I'm referring to the more analytical CNBC specifically.) Browse this page and click on the unfortunately terribly rendered chart to note that Americans payed more at the pump around 1980, when crude traded around $95 in 2005 dollars, or over 150% of the current price. This page shows we are still around 70 cents away from paying the most we've ever payed at the pump. (The second chart hasn't been updated for a while.)

One cannot make a hyperbolic claim about prices, revenues, or profit without adjusting such values for inflation. Please remember this the next time some mainstream media outlet wants to grab you with news about film box-office revenues or gas prices. Chances are they have not done the research of the math beyond something cursory.

Speaking of box-office revenues, this site demonstrates that Gone With The Wind remains the top domestic box-office draw nearly 70 years later.

Crosstown Series 2005, Round Six

2005-06-26T18:39:00.000-05:00

The final: Cubs: 2, White Sox: 0

The 2005 Crosstown Classic ends in a tie.

After the game, second baseman Todd Walker said the Cubs beat the White Sox in the last two games by "playing the White Sox game." Yes, the Cubs seemed to have rediscovered smallball, and at the right time. The two runs scored by the Cubs is a testament to John Garland's skill on the mound.

Nevertheless, Mark Prior was in better command this afternoon. Through six solid innings, he allowed only one hit and struck out three. One might not have known this was his first start after almost four weeks on the DL. Jerome Williams followed up with two great innings in his first stint as a middle reliever and setup man, and Ryan Dempster shut the door on the Southsiders.

If Kerry Wood can pitch as well as did two years ago, if Mark Prior continues to dominate on the mound, if Carlos Zambrano can keep his temper in check, if Jerome Williams and Ryan Dempster become the "dynamic bullpen duo" the Cubs need, and if the batting order can plug its holes, the Cubs have a strong shot at the playoffs. On the other side of that long list of "ifs" is the St. Louis Cardinals with a large lead in the division. The Cards lost a messy game to the Pirates this afternoon, and perhaps these two games are turning points for both teams.

One can hope.

Crosstown Series 2005, Round Five

2005-06-26T11:05:00.000-05:00

The final: Cubs: 6, White Sox: 2

That Loaiza/Contreras trade last year benefitted neither the White Sox nor the Yankees.

Contreras never recovered from a 1st inning grand slam, and Maddux settled after a potentially nasty 2nd inning to reach 312 wins.

The highlight reel for this game shows only two plays: Aramis Ramirez's grand slam in the 1st, and Todd Hollinsworth's 2-run denial in the 2nd that allowed Maddux to settle down. (The reel may be stretched to show back-to-back White Sox jacks that preceded Hollinsworth's play.) One highlight no one has mentioned is the first pitch bunt single in the 1st by Corey Patterson, recently returned to the leadoff spot following what some insiders have characterized as a tough heart-to-heart between CoPat and his manager. The hit was as critical to the Cubs' early lead Saturday as Ramirez's slam.

It's no secret the young center fielder has underperformed since returning to the roster at the start of the 2004 season. He's come through on a few occasions, but he's generally found himself on long hitless streaks and has choked in the outfield more than a few times. Many feel CoPat is on the short list with Dusty Baker and GM Jim Hendry. Such a list isn't hard to compile. Most of the Cub hitters have shown some degree of consistency this season, but CoPat has been a sore spot. He spent much of his time toward the bottom of the order, a placement he didn't seem to mind according to one locker room interview.

With Prior and Wood coming back -- Prior pitches in the Crosstown finale and Wood returns Wednesday -- fans hope they are healthy enough to restabilize their pitching game. Unfortunately, while Dempster seems to be very comfortable as the closer, the biggest hole for the Cubs' pitching staff is middle relief. None of the relievers have been consistent, be it Novoa, Wuertz, Wellemeyer, Remlinger, the unfortunately named Ohman, or Bartosh. The Cubs desperately need to find a compliment to Dempster, and perhaps they already have one in their staff.

CoPat is likely the most attractive player they can dangle for a trade. His speed would be attractive to any team, and he has respectable numbers. Whether they trade for middle relief or a better hitter is anyone's guess. The Cubs aren't alone with middle relief problems. If they trade him for pitching, they'd be forced to choose between Dubois and Hairston for a permanent CF. Given recent overall performance, Hairston's my pick. He could easily replace CoPat speed-for-speed, though I wouldn't give him the leadoff spot just yet. He needs to earn it.

Of course, this is all academic. CoPat could have decided to turn things around for himself with the Cubs. Maybe he'll become a consistent leadoff hitter and allow the Cubs to look for other players to trade. He should realize that his increased performance will have ripple effects that could extend to a better bullpen after the trade deadline, which is looming.

Crosstown Series 2005, Round Four

2005-06-24T20:35:00.000-05:00

The final: Cubs: 2, White Sox: 12

It's designated hitter season for the Northsiders as they visit the Southsiders at The Cell. Funny thing is, the Cubs might have been better off with Mitre in the lineup given his batting performance at his last outing. Even Derrek Lee never reached base on this hot, sticky afternoon.

While the East Coast media wants everyone to care about the lowly Mets and Yankees knocking each other around this weekend, this series in Chicago has the most epic tone.

It's a Tale of Two Teams.

One team has possessed the best record in 2005 since the first weeks. The other team has struggled to stay competitive in its division.

One plays loose and efficiently, believing in the time-honored value of smallball. The other swings, swings, swings for the fans and often comes up short.

One has a strong starting rotation and bullpen with only a few kinks. The other has a rotation desperate for consistency and health and a bullpen with little to offer but frustration.

One seems to enjoy playing baseball. The other looks confused and upset.

One team has all the moving parts working. The other has a few parts that far exceed the performance of others.

It's also a Tale of Two Fanbases.

One team sees sellout crowds at every home game and legions of what my dear friend Don calls "WGN fans" filling stadiums throughout the country. The other would be happy to see 20,000 arrive.

One captures the love of its fans and its city despite breaking their hearts so many times in the past. The other has fans who are more angry at that other team and its fans than they are in love with their own team.

One usually draws attention from national media. The other might be brought to national attention if they win the World Series.

It was the best of times. It was the worst of time.

One of those damn good interviews you wish were more common...

2005-06-24T20:10:00.000-05:00

The Friday Night Show on Chicago WTTW 11 tonight featured a replay of an interview with Billy Corgan of The Smashing Pumpkins. The interview was so good, I TiVoed the damn thing.

Mr. Corgan has kept himself rooted in Chicago, offering commentary on his beloved Cubs in print and on the radio. His recent project Zwan is officially over, and he's publishing a book of poetry. I must admit I never really followed his band all that much, but I do remember liking what I heard coming from my college roommate's stereo.

I wish I could offer a link to a transcript of the interview. He offered a lot of good insights into the music industry, radio, his own career, rock 'n' roll, the abduction of yet another artistic realm by the pop culture/advertising machine, Johnny Cash, and Courtney Love. I'd love to see him in an open panel discussion with Bono, Tony Bennett, and a handful of other insightful artists.

If I find a transcript, I'll post it here. Stay "tuned."

Nuptuals

2005-06-24T16:15:00.000-05:00

My old college roommate and dear friend Mike Z. is tying the knot this weekend, and I regretfully can't attend. Fortunately, I'll spend some time with Mike and his bride in July, and I hope they can stop by if they decide to drive to the Midwest again, but I still feel like a chump.

I've already given him a small pep talk over the phone -- the one based on my wife's disdain for the "wisdom" that the first year of marriage is the hardest. The first year is certainly not the hardest. The first year should be a big silly, stupid, dreamy fog. Marriage in general should be fun -- a shared adventure. A marriage should embrace the differences between spouses as much as it should the similarities, but this approach shouldn't be an excuse for stubbornness or a lack of compromise.

The most important advice I can give is that one should take an active interest in his or her marriage. Don't simply take it for granted. Don't be along for the ride -- be a part of it.

Wherein the author openly discloses repetitive dreams about missed classes

2005-06-24T14:40:00.000-05:00

Following Jeff Harrell's meme about unsolicited dreams, I wish some psychiatrist (audit this, Cruise!) could offer me a drug that keeps me from having recurring dreams. Specifically, I would love to be rid of the recurring softcore nightmare of finding myself forced into taking an exam for a class I rarely attended or thought I had dropped. I haven't taken classes for eight years, and I still experience this dream on a weekly basis. Some even appear to occur during high school. Further fueling the anxiety such dreams cause me is the fact I semi-attended a few classes in college at university. It speaks highly of the overall quality of my college education that I could coast through some classes with little attendance in real life.

Why can't I again experience that trippy dream where I was able to move to any point of my lifetime at will?

The March Towards .500

2005-06-23T15:58:00.000-05:00

The Cubs continue their march towards .500, albeit in the wrong direction. While I'm not writing off the 2005 season just yet, the club has some serious holes to plug -- starting rotation, middle relief, left field, and center field. Left field needs more experience and center field needs more offensive and defensive competance. Hell, let's pull Kenny Lofton out of mothballs if we have to. If the gap between the Cards and the Cubs doesn't narrow significantly around the time of All-Star break, the best the Cubs can hope for is a Wild Card berth. The Cards, though not a streaking team, are a consistent team. The Cubs... not so much.

The Astros are starting to look in practice like the team they are on paper. They're also repeating their 2004 regular season performance, just recently surging with a little more than half the season left. Whether they can repeat 2004 completely is a different matter. They have the pitching and the hitting -- moreso than the Cubs with the obvious exception of Derrek Lee.

Nugget of Wisdom (or Cynicism)

2005-06-23T13:18:00.000-05:00

From Defamer (or The Defamer?):

Every tragic bit of hard news needs a water-skiing squirrel story to cleanse the palate.

Are we Clear?

2005-06-21T08:00:00.000-05:00

No doubt you've heard about or have seen Tom Cruise getting publicly pranked in London. You might also have read about Brooke Shields' tirade against Tom Cruise's criticism of antidepressants. (Scientologists deplore anything related to psychiatry.) This on top of his convenient public whirlwind romance with Katie Holmes has prompted this blogger to question his long-term bankability.

Roger Friedman, a.k.a. Fox411, has long tracked Cruise's wackier antics from which the mainstream media has stayed away. Cruise has publicly pushed programs that are fronts for Scientology, such as HELP. Adding more concern is Friedman's recent revelation that 16 days in April are missing from Katie Holmes' personal calendar. The folks at Free Katie might not be far off as those close to Holmes fear she is being brainwashed into Scientology.

What is really going on here? Is this something beyond viral marketing for War of the Worlds and to lesser extent Batman Begins? Is there really a large Hollywood Scientology Conspiracy in play here? As an aside, is Oprah Winfrey an enabler in this conspiracy, or is she a part of it? (I'm in the camp that believes she's a closet Scientologist.)

On a less serious note, is Tom Cruise crazying himself out of the market? Will War of the Worlds be his last major film before he finally falls off the deep end?

Gay Paree

2005-06-17T22:55:00.000-05:00

Imagine you're visiting Paris, France for the first time. It's a nice Friday morning, and you decide to visit the Eiffel Tower. Alas, you can't go up to the top deck because some famous Scientologist is proposing to his girlfriend of six weeks and "his people" have closed off the area! While I've read nothing confirming this suspicion, what I do know of American celebrities and their wacky alternate realities is that such a thing likely happened. In such a warped universe, two starcrossed celebrities could publicly fall in love in the midst of the advance press of their respective summer blockbusters.

Don't get me wrong. I'm all for falling hard in love. I proposed to my wife within three months of our first date. I've met many married couples with the same story. I just find the Cruise/Holmes public relationship far too convenient. At this rate, they'll be married within a day or two of War of the Worlds.

The folks at Free Katie must be working overtime. I hope they get some sleep.

NBA Finals, or We Told You So

2005-06-17T14:45:00.000-05:00

How can the Spurs beat the Pistons so handily at home only to be beaten handily in Detroit? Do I think this series will be stretched to seven games to maximize ratings potential? Do I find this convenient? Do the protracted labor talks in the NBA have anything to do with this? Mark me down as someone who think the Spurs and Pistons players are dragging this thing out just to prove a point. Most shocking to me is how many eyeballs are glued to the NBA Finals.

What would 2006 be like without the NBA and NHL if neither organizations can get their respective owners and players unions talking? Arenas around the country would become very desperate operations. Perhaps we'll see a rise in arena football any number of odd sports based in arenas. Sports writers would have twice the number of reasons to appear angry in print.

No More Excuses

2005-06-16T22:45:00.000-05:00

Everyone I know keeps telling me to watch the short-lived science fiction series Firefly. Currently, the only way I can do this is to rent or borrow a DVD set of the first season, I haven't the time or funds to do so. According to Jeff Harrell and a Sci Fi Channel press release, I have no more excuses as the network will air it on Fridays, creating a fairly solid four-hour block of programming that will consume my TiVo's hard drive for months.

As Jeff already mentioned, the timing of this could not be better for adult-oriented science fiction. With the Star Trek franchise (finally) being buried for a few years, one can hope that smart viewers find their way to Sci Fi Fridays and add to its already respectable audience numbers. Star Trek was long considered the end-all be-all to sci-fi television, which likely kept other sci-fi series from finding success over the past several decades. Fortunately, Star Trek burnout has prompted many good writers and producers to offer stronger alternatives.

Sure, one has to go to "cable" to find great programming in this genre, but who isn't hooked up to cable or satellite by now? I've seen trailer parks full of dishes.

Voice Actors Are People, Too!

2005-06-15T11:05:00.000-05:00

In an interview with The Onion A.V. Club, voice actor Billy West offers his opinions of the animation industry. Like live-action films before them, Billy West believes animated films have become too obsessed with star power. He also hopes Futurama will be resurrected following the recent set of new Family Guy episodes airing on Fox. You and me both, Billy.

(New Futurama episodes in addition to new seasons of Arrested Development in spite of off-kilter ratings expectations might be too much for me to handle. Fox can't possibly err on the side of reason this many times!)

Jacko just beat it.

2005-06-13T18:20:00.000-05:00

Michael Jackson has been acquitted on all counts. Jurors were terse during the post-trial press conference -- no doubt only disclosing details to their respective ghost writers.

I am by no means surprised by the verdict. While I haven't made a concerted effort to follow Yet Another California-based Hyperbolic Trial (YACHT), from what I've read and heard, the prosecution didn't have an airtight case. Despite the repeated admission by the accused that he frequently slept with young boys not related to him, the prosecution couldn't connect the dots. Not helping matters were accusers whose questionable pasts established much reasonable doubt.

My gut tells me Michael Jackson is a confused, self-centered, thick-headed boy-man who is desperately trying to recapture a childhood taken away from him by his tyrannical father. This makes him an easy target, and it also makes him an easy victimizer. I can just as easily believe he's innocent as I can believe he's guilty. His offerings of "Jesus juice" and pornographic materials to boys call his actions into question, but again, the prosecution never offered a solid case.

Not helping matters was a District Attorney who thrust his chest around like a cocksure rooster who just nailed the best hen in the coop. I never liked how pleased he seemed about the case early on.

Jesse "Appropois of Nothing" Jackson offered his two cents. Various residents of The Gloved One's hometown Murderville Gary, Indiana were extremely pleased with the verdict.

(For painfully thorough online coverage, go to "Jacko Central" on The Smoking Gun.)

So, what do we focus on now? Iraq? Africa? Bradgelina? Katie Holmes' embrace of Scientology, and the public's efforts to free her?

cooler by the lake

2005-06-10T16:45:00.000-05:00

Enron's Jeffrey Skilling's less evil brother Tom loves to talk about the weather. I've never seen another meteorologist squeeze the most out of his portion of a mostly useless hourlong evening newscast. I find his ramblings boring on TV, but I don't mind them in print. He contributes to a weather blog on WGN's website.

The current weather in Chicago has been on my mind. My yard has seen barely enough rain to sustain itself. We're in the midst of a hot-humid, hit-or-miss-storm weather pattern that reminds me of a typical North Texas summer. (North Texas is not to be confused with the Panhandle.) The pattern shows no immediate signs of changing. North Texas weather was one of the reasons I left Dallas for the colder Chicago almost seven years ago.

I can't complain too much. Last summer was very mild, and the snow hasn't messed with my head too much. The protracted hard freezing weather of earlier this year did get to me a little bit.

I just want rain -- I can take the heat. I don't think I've heard my sump pump in at least two weeks. I don't want to water the yard myself, but I can't help but worry about what a protracted drought did to the foundation of my parents' house several years ago, even if the circumstances are different. In this case, even excessive watering didn't help.

Ah, forget it. I'll just enjoy my house and family instead.

Interleague Madness (and Plunking, Too!)

2005-06-10T16:30:00.000-05:00

The Cubs beat the Red Sox 14-6 in the first of a three-game series at Wrigley Field. Whether this sets the tone for the series or is a fluke will be decided over the weekend. Highlights included Gred Maddux's first home run since 1999, David Ortiz's usual power, Cliff Bartosh's well-padded 9th-inning chocking, and a rare unassisted out when runner Neifi Perez was hit by a batted ball.

The Cubs are now 3-4 in interleague play this season.

The other big matchup of the weekend will be the Cardinals hosting the Yankees. I can't believe I'm rooting for the Yankees to sweep, but I'm tired of the Cubs lagging behind when they seem to care about winning again. The Cubs and Cards won't face each other for a while, so any help from the Bombers would be helpful. The big question is whether those old geezer Yankees pitchers handle the humid heat as badly as they handled the cold earlier this season. The Cards are 4-2 in 2005 interleague play while the Yankees are 3-3.

The White Sox will attempt to continue their NL West domination when they face the Padres at PETCO Park, a venue the Cubs have so far mastered 6-1. They haven't suffered from the loss of the DH spot yet this season. The White Sox are 5-1 in interleague play this season.

Finally, for those of you who love or are tired of the plethora of nearly useless baseball statistics, take a look at Plunk Biggio.

"Mactel" a company rather than an alliance?

2005-06-10T13:10:00.000-05:00

Robert X. Cringely obviously plants at least the tip of tongue in this cheek as he predicts Apple and Intel intend to eventually merge to negate Microsoft and AMD. As a good writer, he makes his somewhat wild hypothesis seem not so far-fetched -- establishing something close to a bona fide theory.

I too have pondered why AMD is out of the picture, why Apple has effectively crippled their own non-iPod hardware sales for the next 12 months, and why Apple appears to be stepping back from their highly-touted 64-bit platform. The final question might be answered by a recent comment posted by Jeff Harrell in his own blog entry (scroll down a bit).

Following Cringely's argument, the next 12 to 18 months is the time for Apple and Intel to strike against Microsoft. The dominant bloatware producer has been continuously pushing their next OS back for several years. Nary a peep has come from Microsoft except for Xbox 360 buzz, delay announcements for Longhorn, the occasional security patches, and the occasional attempts at making quick cash with marginal software updates. The company's current presence in the marketplace is guided more by inertia than innovation. Were it not for the increasing demands of computer games, Intel would be twiddling their thumbs.

Intel must see Apple as their salvation, their key to staying alive and competitive in a consumer sector dominated by a stagnant company. This circles back to the question I asked immediately after the announcement: Does Intel need Apple more than Apple needs Intel? Cringely's answer appears to be that the need is mutual. After all, they have a mutual enemy. They each have a roadmap that the other promises to bring to fruition. "Mactel" has the potential to present a much stronger case against Microsoft than Apple and Intel separately.

I remember reading a business journal article at an optometrist's office many years ago that stated that Microsoft's ponderous size could eventually hurt the company. Though the article made no memorable mention of Apple or Intel, let along a merger of the two, it stated that the company's need to control every aspect of the computing market would be its downfall. Microsoft would fail to see the big picture, being too slow and too stupid to "get" where computers were going outside of the humdrum office environment. And offices might eventually grow tired of dealing with such a slow and stupid company with no viable alternative. While Mactel might not win the hearts and minds of CIOs, it doesn't really need to -- the home has become the battlefield of technology.

What happens in the next 12 months will likely be scrutinized more than any Apple endeavour since the company's founding. I still find it odd how a company with less than 5% marketshare in the computer sector demands so much attention, but they were the first computer maker to brand a personal computer as "cool" and then as an essential part of the "digital lifestyle." I just hope all this hoopla isn't for nothing. I hope they enter 2007 stronger than they have been. After all, Longhorn will probably be (again) just around the corner, due to arrive some time in late 2007 early 2008.

Stealth Marketing by Apple and Intel?

2005-06-09T10:30:00.000-05:00

Consider this summary of points and conclusion at The Shape of Days. I think Mr. Harrell's Spider Sense is well tuned on this one. This is how large corporations can leverage public processes they deem not in their favor to benefit not only themselves but the public in general. Everyone gets a taste of Mac OS X 10.4.1 for free on any old Intel machine. If only the RIAA were this reasonable or intelligent.

Google Biography Game

2005-06-08T12:30:00.000-05:00

My dear friend and fellow Brain Pirate Josh offers the Google Biography Game. The rules are simple:

Go to Google and look up "[your name] is". For example, "Regis is".
Look at the phrases in the synopses. It's your very own random biography!
Post them here or here.

According to the first page of my Google Biography Game search, I am...

...the author of Design for Community
...'friend of Camilla'
...a wonderful speaker with mind-boggling information
...the first black master of foxhounds in the New Forest
...a Century 21 Realtor located in the Kootenays that can help you with all your Castlegar real estate and realty needs
...a star
...best known for his skills on the harp
...the son of B.B.C. Northern Dance Orchestra arranger Pat Nash
...a founding member of the Association of Professional Futurists

Stanley Kubrick's Chicago

2005-06-08T11:55:00.000-05:00

Recently found by journalist Mary Panzer, catalogued Look archives reveal a rare collection of photographs of Chicago taken by Stanley Kubrick before he started his filmmaking career.

Toronto?!

2005-06-07T23:50:00.000-05:00

Are the Blue Jays good enough to spank the Cubs two games in a row? They're 2.5 games ahead of the Yankees as of tonight, so I guess they are.

The humble Brewers have dominated the Yankees two games in a row, and I believe the domination is due to the Brewers' general quality as much as to the Yankees' general lack of consistency. Hopefully, the Cubs can put the Yankees in their place when they meet in New York later this month. Hopefully, the Cubs will have a more reliable starting rotation and more reliable clutch hitting by then.

The White Sox finally reached 20 games above .500 by beating some team in Colorado -- some team in Colorado that cost the Cubs their best pitcher!

I still consider the 2005 season worth it if the Braves don't make the playoffs. That shit has to stop.

Knocking

2005-06-07T23:45:00.000-05:00

PBS will air a documentary called Knocking in 2006. It details the subtle yet profound impact of Jehovah's Witnesses on society and their often overlooked plight in Nazi Germany. (The Holocaust Museum dedicates a section to Witnesses.) My maternal grandparents have been baptized Witnesses for around 20 years, and my "geepaw" is an elder, which is exactly like an elder in the Presbyterian faith. I studied with my geepaw for several years, but I never committed to the religion. I'm still uncertain about what my beliefs really are, but I know I'm uneasy with the state of other Christian sects and their followers, especially with respect to the ongoing Culture Wars.

Sometimes, while sifting through news sites and blogs, I can't help but think the Witnesses offer a killer Red Pill. While watching The Matrix, I can't help but see it as a metaphor for religious transformation, for lifting the veil of politics, cynicism, wars, and suffering to see the world -- the universe -- for what it really is.

(Do I get points for mixing a pop culture reference with a sect that categorically rejects pop culture?)

carry each other

2005-06-07T23:20:00.000-05:00

Could the richest eight nations on Earth do more to help Africa? The ONE Campaign believes so.

Steve Jobs offers more insight

2005-06-07T23:11:00.000-05:00

Steve Jobs offered a few interesting reasons for Apple's switch to Intel.

...Intel's processor roadmap really aligns with where we want to go much more than any other.

While many view the switch as a tactical maneuver, Jobs alludes to a stronger, strategic impetus. Now I'm really intrigued. Damn you, Steve!

I Hate Woodfield

2005-06-07T23:05:00.000-05:00

While it has a great Apple Store (the first in Chicagoland) among other stores, I can't stand Woodfield. Perhaps I was too spoiled when I lived near the more generally upscale Old Orchard and Northbrook Court, but I hate that Woodfield is the closest mall to me now. The parking lot is a schizophrenic mess of partial parking garages and buckling concrete. Moving from one floor to another requires navigating a maze of elevators, ramps, and stairs -- heaven forbid one is pushing a child in a stroller. (No, our family are not stroller hogs!) There is no central food court, so quick dining is scattered -- the preferred A&W Restaurant requires excellent navigation skills.

Now, I read that Old Orchard and other malls are contemplating facelifts with nary a mention of Woodfield. This mall I'm stuck with might be in its current state for a long time.

Maybe it's Sears I hate. Woodfield is the only mall I've lived close to that has a Sears. Maybe I have something against a store where I can have my picture taken, my eyes examined, and my teeth cleaned, where I can purchase a pair of khakis, a refrigerator, a DVD player, a lawn mower, alumnimum siding, windows, and a table saw, where I can charge all of the above to the Sears Credit Card, that once most crucial part of the former Sears empire.

...

No, I still hate Woodfield.

the triplets cometh

2005-06-07T22:10:00.000-05:00

Our dear friends Ron and Jen are now officially the proud parents of Ben, Eric, and Josh. (If this rings a proverbial bell, I wrote about them before.) They were born around the ideal number of weeks for triplets, and they are all being monitored at the hospital. Links to pictures forthcoming as they become available.

Congratulations, Ron and Jen!

I Love It When Cruise Isn't Together

2005-06-07T21:50:00.000-05:00

As Trib columnist Eric Zorn laments about never being prodded for his opinions on the Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes fling, I have a confession. I watched the Oprah interview in which he acted like a complete lunatic in the hopes of learning anything interesting about War of the Worlds, the second film I desperately want to see this summer after Batman Begins.

Tom Cruise's hysteria is somewhat contagious. He lost it during his last interview with David Letterman while trying to explain how and why he reduced cabin pressure while flying a passenger in his off time. (What is it with Scientologist celebrities being pilots?) The passenger woke up after passing out none the wiser. It was a dark, funny anecdote -- a rarity in modern late night interviews.

I have another confession, I hope Cruise appears on Oprah just after his eventual breakup with Holmes. Hopefully, he'll be as publicly upset and remorseful as he was giddy and optimistic. Seriously, I'd pay to see that. Or maybe he'll go all Vincent and hunt down each member of the audience. One can hope. (Note to self: buy Collateral.)

Much Ado About Apple

2005-06-07T14:00:00.000-05:00

The geek community can breathe easier now that John Dvorak has chimed in on Apple's switch to Intel. To meet his FUD quota, he added that the "Freenix" community will ultimately suffer as developers roam to more profitable pastures.

Moving OS X to IA-32 will likely have little impact on the efforts of the Freenix community. Freenix has uses other than the "desktop environment" and "user experience" found in OS X and that other, sporadically maintained operating system. When techies at Firm A choose a flavor of Freenix, they are likely doing so for backend purposes. Firm A might still use a more conformist OS for frontend or daily operations purposes. In short, Freenix is for the geeks, and applications like GIMP or Open Office allow the geek to perform non-geek functions in the same environment where they develop their own applications.

I've changed my tune about this transition since yesterday. It's ultimately a good thing for both Apple and Intel. 64-bit computing isn't necessary a huge gain for the average user, so moving to IA-32 -- note I'm not using "x86" -- isn't so much a step back as a step in the right direction. I have Jeff Harrell to thank for that. (Read the comments in that blog entry for a great discussion, including my own clumsy stupidity.) Whether the chips used by Apple feature Hyperthreading or EM64T is anyone's guess, as is the general hardware configuration. Regardless, the user experience on the Intel Macs will have to considerably more responsive for the switch to be worth it in the eyes of Mac and non-Mac users alike.

One news item that many have passed over in favor of FUD is the release of OS X 10.5 Leopard in 2006. Apple intends to release this update around the same time Microsoft is scheduled to unveil Windows Longhorn, the first major update to the Windows OS since 2001. If Apple were smart, they would release Leopard any time from one week before to one week after the release of Longhorn -- somewhere in the same news cycle. Pairing this with the release of new Intel Macs would be an insanely great maneuver to steal Microsoft's thunder.